The Story of the Ages

As an infant many traumatic things happened to me. I was left on a mountain side to die, buried 12 feet deep in the sand, and given to the lions. They gave me back however and I survived every situation. Even at this young age of zero I knew that I could fight evil. I started my campaign to thwart every dastardly scheme known to man. Unfortunately I never got too far because I always had to return home to have my diapers changed.
When I was two my parents moved away. A few years later I found them and now we live in Gravesend Brooklyn, New York. I went to Our Lady of Grace grammar school in the fall of 1980. While I spent my days in that school my family tried their best to have me put away by trying to frame me in a vast array of criminal activities. After explaining to the F.B.I. that I wasn't even alive for such controversial issues such as the Execution of Franz Ferdinand, Roswell New Mexico, the Kennedy Assassination, and the creation of Velcro, they were forced to let me go.

At this time (1990) I entered High School. The school had a special "classroom" made for me. I was in a dark, damp tunnel that ran under the school. I only had a candle for light and the rats were my teachers. I have grown very attached to my teachers and miss them terribly.

After graduation (1994), I spent a semester in John Jay College of Criminal Justice. During that semester I had an urge to check out the integrity of the United States Military. I enlisted in the Air Force to check things out. After about 4 weeks, I decided that everything looked okay. They didn't want me to leave. They said I signed a contract and had to oblige. I mistakenly thought the contract said I had to serve for four weeks. It said four years. I was able to worm my way out by starting tensions in various parts of the world. I returned home.

I went back for two more semesters at John Jay College. At this time my life took a turn for the worse. For some reason I decided to transfer to Brooklyn College. It was now fall of 1995. The years since that time are nothing but a blur. All I really know is that every ounce of good intention has been drained from me. The once hopeful lad I was has turned into this bitter old man before his time. I have spent an eternity rotting away at Brooklyn College and hopefully my misery will end soon.
UPDATE (2001): I actually got something called a Diploma from Brooklyn College. I don't really know what that is, but they say I shouldn't show up for class anymore. I guess I am happy now.



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